My Piers and sad perverts.

I see the issue of banter in word and deed, otherwise known as, so called, work based, sexual harassment has raised it's head in the news again. 

The time has come for me to speak on this issue as there are several girls utterly missing the point on this issue.

Let’s leave aside the career girls, in this for a moment and concentrate on the main point, which is being entirely overlooked once again in the rush to blame the boys.

The shrill seekers are silencing the point, and I’ll tell you for why.

If a powerful man makes his amorous intentions apparent to you girls, it’s a compliment.

I’ve lost count of the number of times some screeching volunteer has cornered me at a fundraiser and harangued me about my husband simply being friendly. I say to them, as I say to you now. Stop over reacting.

I’m tired of seeing the best of British traditions being lost in the melee. From seaside sauciness such as page 3, to humourless misunderstandings at conferences, the age old tradition of good old British banter is turning the flattering attentions of those more powerful than us, into the pathetic predatory fumbling of desperate bullies. I mean honestly.

As a girl growing up, I grew to understand that my role as a woman in the workplace was to struggle and wrestle with the best of them.

I remember as a single girl applying for a secretarial role in an office full to bursting with boys. They were looking for a dolly bird with a sense of humour and they got one.

I didn’t fret and moan over every bottom pinch, or every compliment about my curves and attributes, because the main thing was to have a laugh and we certainly had a laugh back in the good old days before Channel 4 made everything a criminal offence.

Ladies crying foul these days are simply moving the legitimate goalposts. It’s sexism against men once again, pure and simple.

Get a thicker skin and a sense of humour is my advice girls. If men are carrying these responsibilities and need to let off steam, stop attempting to quash their human right to express themselves. Be grateful for the fact that you have caught their eye and be quiet.

And as for those wishing to pursue a career in the world of men, not that I approve of our married ladies, with school aged children doing this, but I give you fair warning that any girl attempting to do so without understanding the basic urges of men is making a colossal mistake. I mean who wants to look up from their desks on any given day to find some hatchet faced moaner unable to take a joke, bearing down on them with the head of HR in tow?

No one that's who.

Piers is again facing an investigation for humorously exposing himself at the Christmas party. The girl in question is an attention seeker, nothing more or less. She may, like the many before her, be hell bent on ruining an illustrious career but she will not win. If as a joke he grabbed her breasts and quacked like a duck, whilst he shouted "Free my wee willy winky" then the correct response is to giggle, not phone the police.

He simply will not stand for any injustice. Take for example his pornography investigation, which he and his assistant Kathleen have been engaged in for months. They have spent many, many nights holed up in a local hotel sifting through the evidence.

They are also planning a trip away to investigate the issue further afield. The council have agreed to continue to fund this by closing a day centre for the elderly which is a justifiable sacrifice Piers is prepared to make.

When it comes to dedication on the issue of perversion, no one is more dedicated than Piers. We were crossing the high street last week when one grateful pensioner shouted “Get stuffed, pervert”

So the message of collective gratitude as to his continued effort, is definitely getting through.

I will Stand by My Man and remind him once again that it’s simply PC gone mad. Because it is!

Not that you can say mad these days.

A few thoughts on parenting

The glorious John Humphries, whose dulcet tones certainly gets my blood pumping to the necessary places every morning, has spoken well on Radio 4 this morning about reading to children.

He quite rightly made the point that Daddies reading to their little ones, is the job best suited to Mummies. As he said children’s books ‘are not challenging enough’ for men to be expected to read.

Now before the feminists start their shrill rantings about men versus women. I say this.  "Shush! Your time would be far better spent getting a make over".

Girls, I assure you there is no need to make yourselves feel all worked up. If the good Lord had wanted Daddies to read to children he would have made books a bit more complicated.

My own husband Piers shouldn’t be expected to return home from a hard day at the council evicting travellers, only to be forced to mumble his way through Harry Potter this or Enid Blyton that.

We girls having spent the day making our homes as beautiful and welcoming as can be for hubby, must also make it a haven from his stress and worry. Hubby carries a huge burden of responsibility and we must lessen that burden not increase it.

If you choose to have children you mustn’t expect to stand red faced and whining and demanding help. It’s our job girls.

I’m fairly sure that along with letting ourselves go, getting a job and the suchlike, neglecting hubby's needs accounts for the rise in the divorce rate.

I hardly expect that in the Cameron home David would welcome returning from a hard day of Fiscal Stimulus, only for Sam Cam to pack him off upstairs armed with his Skulduggery Pleasant, whilst she settles on the chaise longue, feet up, mule slippers off, flicking her way through Fifty Shades of Grey.

No she would not and I’ll tell you for why.

Samantha Cameron understands the role she has embraced. Devoted wife, doting mother and Britain, as a country, is the better for it. 
I like to imagine that of an evening, after the little ones are settled in their beds, Samantha and David chat about his day, as they should. Perhaps Sam massages his feet, their eyes will lock and they know exactly what they need to lift the weight of the world from his shoulders. 

A quick round of UNO.

I hardly think any right-minded man would expect to bring home the bacon, cook it himself and battle his right-minded feelings of emasculated resentment, as his wife reads aloud from some awful screeching feminist tome.

If I wanted to reflect on the type of liberal left wing co-parenting, which causes the fabric of Society to tremble, I have only to consider the former incumbents of No 10.

I tell you the Browns are definite NOT my role models with their  leftist-isms. I see they are now supporting charities which bring education to girls in the wider world.

Well that tells you everything there is to know about THEM.

I will now share with you the story of my friend Caroline Deplock.

She told me this in confidence but it is for the greater good that I break that confidence and share it with you, as I feel we can all learn a good lesson from her self induced misfortunes. 
If it raises a smile along the way, or if our young ladies can see it for the warning portent of doom it truly is, then all the better.

Caroline got a job as something or other in media, insisted on shared parenting, gained four stone in twelve years of marriage; ended up joining The Green Party and getting her nose pierced.

She and Duncan are now divorced. Duncan stoically remonstrated and many was the time that we all giggled along as he rightly put her straight on her odd views, which embarrasingly she shared in front of guests. 

He was often to be seen gently reminding her in a room full of their closest friends how she had gained too much weight, how she was was neglecting herself and him, but no matter how many jokes he made or how many verses of "Who let the dogs out" he sang, the foolish woman would just burst into tears.

That sort of emotional manipulation and victimhood just makes me tired frankly.

She may claim she "simply couldn't stand his sexist crap anymore", but I think we all know who was being the real sexist there Caroline.

I’m sure you’ll agree with me that that tale sends shivers down the spine.

In conclusion I’ll leave you with this advice. (People say that unsolicited advice is always perceived as criticism, but one just assumes they are jealous. I'm merely sharing my wisdom of the years I have lived, truly understanding what really counts. If they are too stupid to see that it's hardly my fault)

Ignore this, my call for good sense, at your peril girls, lest you find yourselves sometime in the not too distant future, carrying a placard in some god forsaken march for "rights", whilst your neglected soul mate busies himself with a woman, who knows her place.

Here is my favourite tune. It reminds me of a wonderful ferry crossing Piers and I took to Calais many years ago. I sang it to him at our last wedding anniversary and his close friend and work assistant Kathleen, movingly commented after I finished singing, that Piers is always telling her how much I go on. 

Ricky Gervais

The so called comedian Ricky Gervais, who I'm told is constantly mocking wheelchair bound "people" is at it again with a new documentary series called Derek, where he is laughing at "the mentally" disabled and old people.

I read that he has also used a large amount of music very offensively and I gather he has done so very, very wrongly.

These are all valid reasons not to like the show or the man.

Everything I have ever read about Ricky Gervais in The Daily Mail confirms my worst suspicions and I have absolutely no intentions of ever watching his type of so called comedy documentary programme.

I have it on very good authority from my cleaner, that he kept a dwarf actor captive in his home and forced him to dress up as a frog for his own amusement. He then cruelly featured this poor man in another of his vicious documentaries.

 I have to tell you now she thought the whole sorry spectacle amusing. She has insisted to me that this show was his concept and she said that the actor, Ewok Davis took the idea to Ricky Gervais and that "it was brilliant"

Clearly I haven't watched this show either but I can only assume that this poor soul was drugged and suffered unthinkable abuse during his forced involvement, too numerous and depraved to calculate and is experiencing a form of Stockholm Syndrome in interviews, where he speaks positively about Ricky Gervais .

People like my cleaner might think comedy is funny, but the joke is on them.

I haven't seen the latest show from Ricky Gervais but I have spoken to several friends, and they all tell me that once again, this man is mocking the elderly and being cruel. I've been told that at various points in the show old people are made to sit in chairs, dance, listen to rap music, interact with animals, travel on minibuses and suffer other humiliating and demeaning activities which should have Age Concern's bells ringing.

There is also a scene involving the licking of a toad, which I assume to be some kind of disgusting and childish euphemism.

I doubt very much that these incapable "adults" lived through a war only to be forced to perform in this freak "show" to a viewing public numbering millions. Is there no new low to which this comedian will not sink?

I think he should go back to working in that office where the BBC found him, as this is precisely the problem with reality television turning people into stars.

This comes as absolutely no surprise to me whatsoever and I'll tell you for why. He is and always will be an atheist. If you don't walk with the love of the lord in your heart it's absolutely no surprise to me that you have no pity for cripples. I'm always rattling a tin for unfortunate people.

As we know I am on Twitter and I see that he has gained many millions of followers.

I know of at least twenty people on Twitter who can't stand the man, or his so called comedy and they shouldn't be ignored. Some also seem to be in the entertainment industry so they have a clear reason to fully appreciate what is wrong with Ricky Gervais having a successful career.

All I can say is that these people following him on Twitter are clearly morons. Many million morons, compared to the handful of right thinking, god fearing, comedy loving, truth telling, bigotry exposing, sensibly thinking, friends I have yet to meet.

Although the odds are weighted against these fearless champions of comedy justice they are vocal and brave.

I'm completely comfortable with that.

Fortunately some of these right minded people also follow Ricky Gervais on the Twitter, so that they can keep a close eye on what he is saying every single day.Then they all tell him exactly what they think of him, sensibly using an anonymous name.

Also some plucky youngsters have gathered together on comedy discussion websites to decry this man's vileness and to explain properly how good comedy should be written. They are not fooled by his numerous awards, which they rightly say are undeserved.

They are not doing this for trophies, so it's good that they haven't got any. No, they are doing this simply for the love of comedy and honesty.

I must address one myth which is circulating. Those people who are decrying Ricky Gervais are not bitter or jealous in anyway they are simply speaking out for "the" disabled and old people who they clearly care for very deeply and with total understanding, as I myself do, do.

They have been trying to make their message heard for several years now and if they've recently seen disability issues as another string to their violin of truth and as a platform to decry this man, then GOOD FOR THEM.

I also asked around at my swimming club, the church jumble sale and in the post office and I can tell you that no one else had seen the programme either and they all absolutely agreed with me that it was mocking and cruel and awful.

I took to the high street and did some research. Of the 100 people I spoke to several of them had these things to say:

"Ricky Gervais is exactly what is wrong with this country today. If I had my way Jeremy Clarkson would be the controller of the BBC"

"Ricky Gervais may be a Hollywood star but I see nothing funny about the council insisting on fortnightly bin collections"

"Ricky Gervais looks like my next door neighbour and I don't like my next door neighbour"

I think people like this so called comedian should be banned from the television, the wireless and  Twitter. He should be held up to pubic ridicule strapped to a pit pony and forced into the mines.

Perhaps if he worked for a living instead of spending every waking moment lowering standards and upsetting decent, god fearing people he would learn a valuable lesson.

He needs to remember one thing above all others and it's this  "We're not watching your programme Mr Gervais and we're not laughing. Even if we are watching, we are only doing so because we don't like your comedy, we don't like you and we don't like your taste in "music."

Make no mistake I haven't watched it and I definitely don't like it, I think it's obvious who is the winner here.